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Continuing on from the peice I wrote in the last issue about the
importance of women's ceremonies, in this issue we look at the idea of
a "blessingway" ceremony in late pregnancy. But first, some
background...
Over dinner the other night I found myself explaining to a man in his
early thirties, why it is that Perth does not already abound in holistic
childbirth preparation services... The reality is that we are caught up
in an intensifying downward spiral of fear and trauma, which currently
has our state leading the way in obstetric intervention. In 2003 roughly
a half of all women having babies in Western Australia went into labour
spontaneously. The rest either had a planned cesarean (without going into
labour at all) or a medically induced labour (with a high likelihood of
going on to a surgically assisted birth of one sort or another). Around
30% of all babies born in WA in that year were born by cesarean surgery
- by far exceeding the WHO recommended levels of 10-15%. Compounding the
tragedy, all those couples who, in the expectation of "getting the
best possible care", placed themselves in the hands of a private
obstetrican and private hospital service were, often unwittingly, significantly
increasing the likelihood of this outcome.
What are the likely long term sequellae for mother and baby? Well, we
don't really know.
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Listening to the stories of mothers who have lived through these kinds
of experiences, I often hear doubt and suffering, a lurking feeling of
having "failed" as a woman and mother. To be seperated from
your baby at birth - to be out of touch and out of sight - provokes a
primal maternal grief which those around her may never really appreciate
- after all, she has a live healthy baby, and that's the primary consideration,
isn't it? And then there's the post-surgical pain of major abdomnal surgery
to deal with; in my opinion, a very poor trade for the productive healthy
pain of labour, which is at least moving you towards a desired end.
But, as I was explaining to my friend last night, from the moment she
announces her pregnancy, a woman will attract others' need to recount
their own traumas. The woman herself is increasingly likely to have a
traumatic imprint from her own mother's birthing experience. And in a
climate of fear, many women naturally fall into denial, not feeling willing
or able to take any responsibility beyond the choice of an obstetric specialist.
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Those who do still think of childbirth as a natural process, and begin
with a positive assumption that as a woman they will be naturally equipped
to give birth, often trip up on the reality of a medical system for which
"normal" childbirth is by now so very far removed from the traditional
knowledge and cultural assumptions of our foremothers. In other times
and places, the whole of a woman's pregnancy is punctuated with rituals
and practices designed to keep her safe and prepare her mentally and emotionally
for impending motherhood. Not to mention the kind of practical and emotional
support she can rely on in that special vulnerable period of weeks (not
just days!) with her newborn baby.
As you can tell, I can get prety passionate on this topic and could go
on at length, but if you are reading this, the chances are that you already
know, or at least are rapidly becoming aware, that in working with the
transition to motherhood it is as if we were working in an unreported
warzone... Nothing can be assumed to be straightforward or self-explanatory.
In these circumstances, what hope is there for empowered childbirth and
motherhood? Well, I take heart from the fact that women have been able
to turn around the situation that for a while saw breastfeeding go down
to the modern "scientific" method of timetabled bottle-feeding
with infant "formula". It hasn't been an easy road, and its
certainly not over, but at least these days public policy and medical
research have thrown their weight in with the mothers who organised themselves
nationally and internationally to ensure the art of breastfeeding was
not completely lost to our culture.
So, what to do? What tools do we have available to us?
An obvious one is accurate information. Given that we
are westerners with well-developed intellects, we may as well start using
our minds to work with our bodies. It only makes common sense, for example,
that a more upright position will help our bodies to work with gravity
rather than against. And our instinctive selves might well tell us so,
if we hadn't imprinted so many images of women lying on their backs on
a bed to give birth. We might also want to start sharing around what info
the medicos have rediscovered about the factors that promote a smooth,
powerful birth: the needs that human mothers share with their mamalian
sisters. Number one being a private, protected environment which will
not trigger a fear/adrenalin response to slow or shutdown the labour process.
Another thing that women can do for each other is to listen. Encourage
the mother-to-be to spend some time recognising and exploring
her fears, because even the most wanted of pregnancies still
brings its moments of doubt that we may be ashamed to acknowledge. As
the author of Birthing from Within so nicely puts it, we need to encourage
each other to dig deeper.. By naming and clarifying our doubts
and fears, it gets easier to see what practical steps we could take to
address them: Gathering information, employing a doula for practical and
emotional support in labour and/or postnatally, voicing our needs and
desires to the ones who will have the most influence over our birthing
environment - our chosen maternity care professionals.
Journalling and creative play with crayons, paint or clay
are ways that we can our own inner landscapes and tap into the inner resources
that will see us through. If something disturbing emerges, we can seek
out a gentle body-centred/energetic healing modality
to help release and resolve imprinted trauma and unconscious beliefs,
thus reducing the likelihood that they may surface during the great opening
of labour to slow or stall the birth process.
And what about the blessingway ceremonies I mentioned
in the title of this article? What are they? The term "blessingway"
originally comes from the Navaho people of North America, but has come
to be used more generally to describe a ceremony held in late pregnancy
to honour the a woman's passage into motherhood, and help prepare the
way for a satisfying, powerful birthing experience.
The value of a blessingway ceremony, to my way of thinking, is that it
creates a special opportunity for a woman to acknowledge that her life
is about to change for good in ways she cannot yet fully imagine. Obvious,
you might think, but not so, not in a culture where most people get their
sense of identity from their paid work and when so many women continue
with their pre-pregnant employment until shortly before the official "Due
Date".
There is an argument which suggests that manhood initiations in traditional
societies were an attempt to recreate the essence of a woman's birthing
experience. While I don't necessarily subscribe to this, it remains true
that birthing is a life-and-death experience, inspite of the advances
of western medical assistance. Some babies, not many, but still some,
will not survive the transition from the womb into the world. A tiny number
of women do still die of childbirth related complications.
There is that in the experience of giving birth which teaches us much
about ourselves - requiring of us to find and embody not only our capacity
to be vulnerably open and surrender - to the waves of the birthforce -
and yet at the same time to find and stand in our own sense of power as
a woman and mother. There is a sense in which it is literally true that
our younger self must die in order for the mother-self to be born, that
becoming a mother not only changes how others see us, but who we understand
ourselves to be.
So, then, a blessingway ceremony... To literally sit in the centre
of one's circle of family and community, and have one's blossoming
motherhood witnessed and affirmed. To be reminded that there are people
who love you, who are there for you, as you go through this exciting/fearful
time of vulnerability. To be reminded that others have gone before you
through this mysterious doorway which is childbirth. And not least to
give that circle of beloved friends and family an opportunity which doesn't
often come our way - to express just how precious this round-bellied woman
is to us, and to briefly touch that special energy & blessing of the
great life-mystery of birth.
Beyond this, the ceremony may take whatever form your imagination and
desires suggest. One popular idea is for each guest to bring a bead and
a blessing. The beads are then threaded on a string for the mother to
wear or hold when she goes into labour. The mothers in the circle may
gift the mother-to-be with wisdom gleaned from their own experiences of
motherhood. One approach to this which I've heard of is to hold a "bad
mothers" party. At this party, the pregnant woman is initiated into
the circle of motherhood by breaking down the unrealistic ideal of the
"perfect mother". Each of mother present takes a turn to talk
about the worst thing they've ever done as a mum, the things we normally
prefer not to talk about, as a liberating gift to the mother-to-be. Meanwhile,
the father-to-be might be off with the menfolk having a celebration of
his own, or he might be included in a mixed-gender blessingway ceremony
with other male relatives and friends of the family. Either way, its the
pregnant mother's special time, and everyone goes out of their way to
make her feel well nurtured, in preparation for the huge demands of newborn
motherhood just around the corner...
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